Question: Who is the intended audience?
Answer: This is an easy to read and apply self-help book. It is suitable for anyone experiencing problems in their relationships whether that is at home or at work. Stop Being Pushed around: A Practical Guide is a tool for people to utilize if they believe that they are stuck in a rut and who feel unable to move on and progress in their relationships. It is a down to earth, commonsense book which is void of jargon.
Q: What is the book about?
A: The book is about the role of victim and survivor in relationships.
A ‘victim’ is someone who believes they have no control of their life.
A ‘victim’ believes that he/she can do nothing right.
A ‘victim’ believes that no-one really cares for them.
A ‘victim’ is always negative.
A ‘victim’ is waiting for someone to rescue them.
A ‘victim’ puts pressure on their partner to make everything all-right for them.
A ‘victim’ opts out of life.
A ‘victim’ is fearful.
A ‘victim’ is insecure.
A ‘victim’ is usually depressed or anxious.
A ‘victim’ feels under constant threat of something bad happening.
A ‘victim’ sabotages positive thinking and behavior.
A ‘victim’ is distrustful.
A ‘victim’ waits for disasters to occur.
A ‘victim’ will have emotional problems.
A ‘victim’ may turn to drugs or alcohol as a means of escape.
A ‘victim’ will be isolated from friends and family.
A ‘victim’ will withdraw from real life.
Q: Why are you the best person to write this book?
A: I have lived my life as a victim for many years. I have learned ‘the hard way’ how to stop being a victim and transfer to being a survivor. It is an empowering journey of self discovery.
I have been a mental health professional for 25 years. For the first 15 years I was employed by the Social Services Department in the UK and for remaining 10 years I worked as a Counselor in the primary healthcare setting. I have counseled countless numbers of people, during this period, who have become victims in their relationships.
All of the people I counseled didn’t realize that they were victims and believed that they had no control over their lives. Progressing from victim to survivor requires hard work on the part of the victim. It is achievable and the rewards are great. You are no longer under the control of another person. You are free to think and be the way you really are deep down without experiencing the pressure of control from your partner.
To find out is you are a victim please answer these questions.
· Do you feel able to discuss issues in your relationship with your partner?
· Does your partner ridicule you, humiliate you?
· Does your partner ‘play up’ if you are invited out with friends?
· Does your partner hold the financial purse strings in your relationship?
· Do you tend to agree with your partner rather than face the aggressive outcome if you do not agree?
· Does your happiness in your relationship depend on your partner’s mood?
· Do you feel trapped in your relationship?
· Do you think that you should stay in the relationship because you believe you cannot cope alone?
· Are you afraid of your partner?
Here are some examples of positive responses a victim can choose to make on how to deal with living with someone who, you feel, is controlling you:
· Take control of you and your life.
· Don’t be afraid to show your feelings. Learn when it is appropriate to do this.
· Encourage open discussions, to enable you both to have a better understanding of each other’s point of view.
· Realise you are never going to get it right so stop trying.
· Be reasonable, flexible and fair in your responses – but know when enough is enough (you will know when this happens by the feeling in your gut that screams – stop).
· Treat yourself kindly.
· Acknowledge how much you have achieved.
· Don’t be afraid to recognise your needs, wants and desires – you have a right to them.
· Accept that you ‘can’t have it all’ but make sure you ‘get some.’
· Take charge of you and know that any change you want to achieve in your life is up to you.